


tell me is this love alive

by forestjoshua



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, M/M, References to Depression, Reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 13:31:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18469957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forestjoshua/pseuds/forestjoshua
Summary: David takes a short moment to catch his breath. Then, he’s walking towards Matteo, eyes glinting with something Matteo can’t recognize.Matteo puts his hand on the side of the door, blocking David’s way into the apartment.“Matteo,” says David. Matteo desires to close his eyes, let the sound of David’s voice was over him. A voice he hasn’t heard for over two weeks. A voice he has missed.--Alternatively, what could happen in episode 3x07.





	tell me is this love alive

**Author's Note:**

> something i needed to write to cope with the current canon angst.

It’s a night in with the boys.

Nothing special – just the four of them occupying the flat share. It had been Matteo’s offer. He had felt bad for being closed off from them for so long, barely in contact with any his friends. So, when Abdi had asked if they had any plans for Friday evening, Matteo had invited all of them over. To have a few drinks. Maybe to prepare for a party, or not.

The whole apartment is empty, for once. It’s a rare occurrence since at least two of the four residents are always home. It’s Matteo who barely leaves the house – or even his room. This evening, Mia has taken a break from his break with Alex. Linn had gone to stay with her parents already a couple of days ago, and Hans, well, he’s gone out on a date, telling Matteo not to expect him back until the next afternoon, adding a wink on top.

Matteo, Jonas, Carlos and Abdi are sitting in the living room, drinking beer, listening to a story Jonas is telling. Abdi is clinging onto every detail intently, but Carlos is sneaking glances at his phone. Probably waiting for a message from Kiki. Kiki and the girls – sans Mia – are apparently going to a party later and the boys might be joining, if they’re in the mood. Matteo isn’t one for parties. The loudness and the amount of people isn’t his scene. Jonas and Abdi, on the other hand, are eager to go, whereas Carlos is indifferent. He’ll be there for Kiki.

Matteo stares at Carlos’s phone in his friend’s fingers. Carlos keeps locking and unlocking the screen. There’s a picture of Kiki as his background. Matteo’s heart stutters as he thinks about how _he_ could have a picture of someone he cares about as much as Carlos cares about Kiki as his phone’s background. He lost that chance long ago. A couple of weeks, to be exact. He isn’t even entirely sure why. Maybe he had just read too much into. But he had been sure David had been falling as fast as Matteo.

High speed.

Matteo’s own phone isn’t working. Well, the screen isn’t. The phone had been buzzing with messages, at first, Matteo being unable to read them. Then, the battery had died, and Matteo hadn’t bothered with charging it. So, it had been up to him borrowing Hans’s, or Mia’s, or Linn’s phone if he wanted to contact someone. Matteo couldn’t afford a new phone or have his screen repaired. He could barely afford rent and food. That’s why the beers had been on Carlos.

“Has Kiki sent anything?” Jonas asks Carlos. Carlos just shakes his head, taking a sip of his beer. Abdi next to him perks up.

“Dude, ask her! I definitely want to be there is Sam is there,” Abdi says. Jonas tries to hide his smile, but Matteo has to fight against the urge to roll his eyes. Maybe Abdi should just leave it but Abdi himself swears Sam is merely playing hard to get.

“I don’t want to push!” Carlos argues. Abdi starts reaching for Carlos’s phone. Jonas is snickering. Matteo feels bad for Carlos, so he grabs Abdi’s arm to keep him away from Carlos.

“Dude, that’s Carlos’s phone and Carlos’s girlfriend. If you’re so keen on going to the party, maybe you should text Sam yourself,” says Matteo.

Abdi just stares. Carlos is nodding at Matteo’s words, raising his beer in agreement.

“Sam isn’t answering my messages,” Abdi grumbles, leaning back against the couch, crossing his arms across his chest and pouting like child.

That’s something Matteo can relate to. He feels a pang in his heart when his thoughts wander to David and the countless messages Matteo never got a reply to. And the very last message he ever received. The one which broke him.

The past weeks had been Hell. Only recently, Matteo had begun to see some light in his life again. Abi was over and Matteo could only hope he had passed the exams. And he was out to Jonas, out to the boys, well, out to everyone. It was scary but it was done and maybe it hadn’t gone exactly like Matteo would have wanted but it was done now and there was nothing more he could do about it. At least he had Jonas, the boys and Hans he could always count on.

With the encouragement from Carlos and Jonas, Matteo had already sought out professional help. Depression is an ugly word, humongous and scary. _That can’t be me,_ had Matteo thought.

He does know everything wouldn’t be perfectly fine overnight. A magic pill that would instantly make Matteo feel better didn’t exist. It would be a slow process. But now, the process had started. What Matteo needs is support. When he looks at Jonas, Carlos and Abdi, playfully arguing on the couch, waving beer cans around, the corner of Matteo’s mouth tugs up. He feels like the disconnection he had felt amongst his friends had already started to ease, starting with the hard words, _I’m, um, gay._

“Text Hanna!” Abdi is insisting. Jonas looks offended.

“My ex?” Jonas scoffs.

“Well, you text her all the time,” Matteo points out. Jonas looks at Matteo like he’s betrayed him. Matteo smiles at him sheepishly. He feels bad that Jonas still doesn’t know the whole truth about how he and Hanna fell apart. One day.

“Yeah, dude,” Jonas squirms, “I can’t just ask her if I can go to a party with her. I don’t think we’re quite there yet with her.”

“Why not?” Abdi whines. “Has Kiki texted?” he asks, turning to Carlos

“Leave it,” Carlos says.

“Easy for you to say,” Abdi complains, opening another beer. “You’re the only one of us who has a girlfriend. You’re fine. Jonas has a different girlfriend each week. Even he is better off than me. And Matteo-“ Jonas and Carlos glare at Abdi who shakes his head. “Come on, I wasn’t going to say anything rude. Just that girls aren’t exactly relevant to Matteo.”

Matteo snickers, which relaxes Jonas and Carlos. Abdi grins at him.

“Are you jealous?” Carlos teases, elbowing Abdi.

“Of whom? Matteo? I don’t think I could go gay,” Abdi says.

This time, Matteo really does roll his eyes.

“Of me and Kiki,” Carlos elaborates.

“Nah,” says Abdi, “I’m more jealous of Jonas.”

Jonas sends Abdi and wink. Carlos looks offended. “Why not?” he insists, “Kiki’s a total catch.”

“I couldn’t handle Kiki,” says Abdi. Matteo wishes he wouldn’t open that can of worms. Carlos frowns.

“What do you mean?”

“Just that… She’s Kiki,” Abdi says, laughing a little nervously.

“What’s wrong with her?” Carlos asks, “She’s the best.”

“Dude, leave it,” Jonas whispers at Abdi, “She’s his girlfriend. Just shut your mouth.”

Deciding to save Abdi, Matteo says, “Can we stop talking about girls already?”

Abdi, Carlos and Jonas turn to look at Matteo. Half shocked, they blink almost in unison at Matteo’s bluntness, which is comical to Matteo.

“Sure,” says Carlos, rubbing the back of his head. Matteo smirks. Are they even able to talk about something else than girls? Sometimes Matteo feels like they can’t. He waits. Abdi licks his lips. Jonas is suddenly interested in the label of his beer can. Carlos squints, trying to think.

“Um, how are you and David?” he finally asks.

Matteo’s heart sinks. He regrets opening up about David to the boys. Jonas still knows more than Carlos and Abdi, which is why his eyes are suddenly on Matteo, worried. Carlos and Abdi only vaguely know who David is and that Matteo had a “thing” with him. Jonas knows how deeply David had hurt Matteo. That’s why he shuffles closer to Matteo, eyes shooting daggers at Carlos.

“There’s no me and David,” replies Matteo, defensive.

“Oh, sorry,” Carlos says.

“What exactly happened between you two?” Abdi asks, leaning closer, clearly curious.

Swallowing, Matteo thinks about what he can tell. How much his heart can take. His heart is still cracked and only David knows how to fix it. It would take a long time for it to scar.

“He doesn’t have to talk about it,” Jonas says to Abdi.

Matteo looks at his fingers. They’re trembling slightly. _There’s no me and David._ It had hurt him to say those words. For a short while, Matteo had truly believed he could have David. David hadn’t been like anyone Matteo had ever met. His crush on Jonas had been mild and pathetic compared to the feelings David had roused. David had consumed him. David had left him.

_I’m not into you._

The words had launched Matteo into a depressive state. A state that had already existed, that David’s presence had momentarily brightened. After David, it had felt so much worse. Then, Matteo had come out of his shell. He had realized that there were other things in life that also mattered. That could also shed light on his miserable life. 

At this point, David feels like a distant memory. It is a good memory _and_ a bad memory. It is a memory that’ll always be a part of Matteo, something that helped him become himself, because with David, Matteo had been completely himself for the first time in his life. Even if Matteo and David hadn’t apparently been on the same page about their relationship, Matteo still feels thankful towards him. David had given him something. A realization. A push. And some courage.

At least, he had ignited that small flame in Matteo. A flame that had grown.

Matteo still kept the drawing in his room. For a couple of times, he had hovered it over a trash can, almost ready to let go. In the end, Matteo had desperately wanted to hold onto the last piece he had of David. To keep it as a reminder of what had happened. Of the good bits.

The other boys have started to talk about beer while Matteo tortures himself with the images of David. Matteo snaps out of it when the intercom suddenly buzzes.

The heads of his three friends snap towards Matteo.

“Are we expecting someone?” asks Jonas.

“No,” Matteo mumbles, inching towards the hallway.

“Maybe Mia’s had enough of Alex,” says Abdi.

“Maybe Hans’s date didn’t go according to the plan,” Jonas suggests.

“It’s probably just Linn,” Matteo says, “She was supposed to come back tomorrow but maybe she already got enough of her family.” He wrestles the door open, hearing steps from the stairway. Quick steps, like someone is going up them two at the time. Doesn’t sound like Linn. Maybe it’s Mia, after all.

Matteo kicks the door open, freezing when he sees who’s just arrived at the other side of it. He never thought he’d see those brown eyes again.

David takes a short moment to catch his breath. Then, he’s walking towards Matteo, eyes glinting with something Matteo can’t recognize.

Matteo puts his hand on the side of the door, blocking David’s way into the apartment.

“Matteo,” says David. Matteo desires to close his eyes, let the sound of David’s voice was over him. A voice he hasn’t heard for over two weeks. A voice he has missed.

There’s a desperate note to David’s melodic voice. Maybe that’s just Matteo’s imagination. Maybe Matteo still _wishes_. Hell, he totally does, looking at David who’s standing right in front him, at his grasp.

Matteo doesn’t reply. He can’t.

David comes closer and suddenly his hands are cupping Matteo’s face, startling Matteo. He takes a step back and David withdraws his hands. He looks hurt and… ashamed? Swallowing, David speaks, “Matteo, I’ve been trying to call you. I’ve been texting you, on WhatsApp and Instagram. You… You haven’t replied. You haven’t even _seen_ them.”

Matteo feels taken aback by the rapid speed of David’s words. “I- Why?” he stutters, “My phone is broken.”

“For two weeks?” David says.

“I can’t afford a new one,” Matteo mumbles.

“Oh.”

“Matteo?” comes Jonas’s voice. “Who is it?”

“I need to speak with you,” David whispers, “Please.”

“What?” Matteo scoffs, “Did you leave something here again? I don’t have any of your stuff.”

“No,” David says, hesitantly coming closer, “I _need_ to speak with _you.”_

“My friends are here,” says Matteo. They stare at each other intently, until Matteo hears footsteps behind him.

“Matteo, is everything alright?” Jonas asks. He walks behind Matteo, grasping his shoulders. Then, he freezes as his eyes land on David.

“Hi,” David says meekly to Jonas.

Jonas doesn’t say anything back to him, just whispers a concerned “Matteo?” to Matteo. Matteo feels Jonas breathing down his neck. The silence around them rings.

Despite everything, Matteo can’t turn David away. Even if David’s eyes wouldn’t be looking at Matteo, pleadingly, Matteo would gladly invite him in. Maybe he is just weak, being willing to give David a chance this freely.

“Well, come in, then,” Matteo mutters to David. He turns his back to him, making his way back to the living room where Carlos and Abdi are still sitting. They both look up at Matteo, inquisitive. “You need to leave,” Matteo says to them.

“What?” Abdi says.

“Why?” adds Carlos.

Jonas and David appear behind Matteo. Carlos’s jaw drops.

“I’m sorry, you need to go,” Matteo sighs, “David and I have to talk in peace. I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Why can’t we stay?” Abdi suggests, “You can go into Matteo’s room. Or the other way around.”

“Yeah, no,” Matteo says.

“Abdi, dude,” says Carlos, tugging on Abdi’s sleeve, “Kiki just texted me the address.”

Abdi’s eyes light up. He stands up, saying, “Okay, then. Matteo will catch up.”

“I’m not leaving,” declares Jonas. He turns to David, arms crossed. “I don’t trust you with Matteo. Look how it ended last time. No offence, David, but I don’t want to see my best friend hurt like that ever again.”

Matteo appreciates the sentiment. He doesn’t appreciate the way Jonas’s words make David slightly wince.

“ _Jonas,”_ says Carlos.

“Jonas will stay in the living room, then,” Matteo surrenders. There’s no way Jonas is going to leave, unless Matteo and David physically haul him out of the door. And Matteo is not in the mood. “But you two – out.”

Abdi blinks at Matteo, pointing at himself, but Carlos is already dragging him away. “Remember the party. Sam will be there,” he whispers to Abdi. Carlos pats David’s shoulder on his way out, offering him a sweet smile that makes Jonas glare at him.

Then, they’re gone.

“Let’s go to my room,” Matteo says to David.

“Matteo,” says Jonas.

“I’ll be fine,” Matteo says. Jonas’s hovering is starting to annoy him. “We’ll be in my room. It’s not like David is going to murder me, or anything.”

“Ten minutes,” Jonas insists.

“No,” Matteo says, “As many minutes as we like. Let it go, Jonas.”

Jonas throws himself on the couch, still eyeing David with suspicion. Matteo wishes he hadn’t told Jonas so much about David and how good and bad he had made Matteo feel. How much power he held over Matteo. He really hadn’t expected the overprotective best friend mode to kick in.

David follows Matteo into the room. It doesn’t look as bad as it had looked before, when Matteo had barely been able get out of bed. Mia and Hans had helped him tidy up but there are still clothes scattered across the floor.

Before Matteo shuts the door, he calls out to the living room, “And Jonas, no eavesdropping. You stay right where you are.”

Jonas mutters something that could be a “yes” as an answer and Matteo has to take it.

“Is he always like that?” David asks when the door is finally closed. He is standing in the middle of Matteo’s room. It’s an odd sight. The last time David was in this room, Matteo’s lips had been burning with kisses. Now, they burned with the absence of them.

“Um, I don’t know,” Matteo admits, “I’ve never been in this situation before.”

“You’ve known each other for long?” David asks, trying to sound casual. Trying. Underneath the pretense, Matteo can hear he’s nervous.

“Since we were little kids,” says Matteo, “What did you want to talk about?” he asks, getting straight into it.

David blinks. He’s looking at the floor, unsure, a mirror of the time – that wonderful noon they’d spent together, their first and last _date_ – when Matteo had kissed him, and David had pulled away.

_Not here._

The next day, David had crushed Matteo’s heart.

“I- So, you haven’t seen my messages?” David begins.

Providing proof, Matteo walks to his nightstand and shows David his smashed phone. “I think we’ve already established that.”

“Right,” David says, “What’s the last message you saw?”

Matteo just stares at David. That tells David enough. Matteo sticks his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, hunching his shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” David says, “I must have sent you something like hundreds of messages. And after two weeks, you didn’t even read them. I was worried. That’s why I’m here.”

“That’s why,” Matteo repeats. He feels empty again. David had been messaging him. What had he said? Just apologized, over and over again, for breaking Matteo’s heart? Like a couple of words could mend it.

“Not entirely,” says David, walking closer to Matteo. His voice breaks a little. When David enters Matteo’s personal space, Matteo can’t pull away. “I didn’t mean it. The last message. The first one – yes – I really needed time. It had nothing to do with you. I needed to figure some things out myself. I- I was scared.”

“Alright,” says Matteo. He understands. Matteo had been scared as well, but more excited. More _in love._ Being with David had overridden all fears. With David, he had felt invincible. “Why did you send the second text, then?” Suddenly, Matteo finds an accusing tone slithering into his voice.

“I’m sorry,” David says again, “I didn’t want to say that to you. I really didn’t. And it was a lie, either way.”

“Then why did you send it?” Matteo asks, voice tired and soft. “Why did you have to do that?” He can still feel the hurt caused by those words stabbing his mangled heart.

“I panicked,” David says, “Matteo, I’m sorry.” He tries to take Matteo’s hands into his, but Matteo doesn’t let him. He remembers how David had touched his face briefly at the door, how the touch had burned.

“Why?” Matteo breathes, “For once, I just want a straight answer.”

“I heard you,” David says, “At the door. With Laura. I never thought this meant so much to you. That you’d come to seek me out. I just needed you to leave me alone. Because- Because-“ David takes a stuttering breath. He’s blinking back tears, Matteo notices. His own cheeks are wet. David shakes his head, continuing, “I regretted the message the second I sent it. I wished I could undo it, but you had already seen it. The damage was already done.”

_Matteo’s heart had already been broken._

“Two hours,” David whispers, “It took me two hours of being miserable, _crying,_ to apologize to you. But you didn’t read the messages. No matter what I sent, you didn’t read them. I thought you were just mad at me. You had the right. I thought I had completely ruined it. I didn’t expect you to give me another chance. I just needed you to know that those words were null. And today, the worry took over me. Sara and Leonie gave me nothing on you. You didn’t update your Instagram. I didn’t see you anywhere. So, I had to come and get you.”

Matteo’s heart can’t catch a break. It’s beating out of his chest. David is looking at him, eyes glistening, so raw and open. It feels like, for the first time, Matteo is seeing the entirety of David. No protective shell. No aura of mystery.

Just David.

“Are you okay?” David asks. He sounds and looks desperate. His fingers are still stretched towards Matteo, almost unconsciously.

“No,” Matteo says. He has never been able to be dishonest to David.

“I’m so sorry,” says David. Matteo has lost count of the times he has already apologized.

“Not your fault. Not entirely. Truth be told, I haven’t been okay for a long time,” Matteo admits.

David’s lips tremble as he says, “But- Are you getting better? Are you?”

“I like to think so. Jonas and Carlos – they’ve been pushing me to get help.”

“I’m happy you have your friends,” David says, “And I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” Matteo says. Suddenly, he notices how close David is. Matteo could count his eyelashes. He can feel the warmth seeping from David. A warmth he longs to feel on his skin again.

 _David is here,_ Matteo realizes. Out loud, he says, “What are you afraid of, David?”

The familiar mask falls on David’s gorgeous features. David licks his lips. He comes closer to Matteo, fingers tracing Matteo’s arms. _A distraction,_ Matteo’s brain warns. “Do you trust me?” David whispers, his words hitting Matteo’s skin.

 _No,_ Matteo thinks, _I used to trust you. I gave you my heart and you took one glimpse at it and threw it away._

“Please,” David says. His eyes flutter closed. “One smidgen of trust. I’ll tell you- I’ll tell you something I want you to know, something that made me afraid, in the morning. I _promise.”_

The weight Matteo hears David put into the word _promise_ convinces him. This time, he doesn’t resist when David’s hands travel up, up, up, gently setting themselves onto Matteo’s cheeks, caressing the remnants of tears away. Then, David’s eyes are open. Matteo can see the rich brown color of them. David’s gaze in determined. David’s gaze is honest.

“Alright,” Matteo whispers against David’s lips. He gives in. He doesn’t know which of them closes the gap but suddenly they can taste each other again. The kiss is soft, slow and healing.

It stitches Matteo’s heart back together.

When the kiss ends, they’re holding each other’s faces. David is smiling, shaking his head in disbelief. And Matteo- Matteo can’t believe everything sorted itself out in the end. The love he lost came back to him.

“Don’t leave,” Matteo pleads, clutching David close to him. “ _Please.”_

“I have no intention to leave,” says David, returning Matteo’s embrace.

“Can we stay here again and sleep?” asks Matteo, “And in the morning-“

“ _Yes,”_ David says before Matteo can finish, “Yes, but your friend…”

Matteo remembers Jonas. And Jonas remembers them, since there’s a knock on the door, and Jonas’s voice, “Everything alright in there?”

“Yeah,” Matteo calls out. His voice sounds hoarse. He hopes Jonas doesn’t take it the wrong way because everything is _fine,_ he’s in David’s arms. “Jonas, you can leave. Go find Carlos and Abdi and the party.”

A moment of quiet. Then, “Are you sure?”

Matteo could cry from relief, like the time David told him Laura was his sister. Maybe Jonas has had enough time to calm down. “I’m sure. Just go.”

“Alright,” Jonas replies, “Um, have a nice night, I guess?”

Matteo breathes out a laugh. “Sure. You too.”

“Wouldn’t you want to go to the party with your friends?” David asks Matteo, as Jonas’s steps echo away from them.

“No,” Matteo says. He can’t get his eyes away from David. _David, David, David._ “I’m not a party person, per se.”

A tiny smile appears on David’s lips. “You invited me to a party, one time.”

“Because I wanted to see you,” Matteo whispers. He presses their lips together again. David backs them onto Matteo’s bed. He positions them so that Matteo is lying half on top of David, hearing every beat of David’s heart, feeling every breath David draws in and lets out.

Matteo wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

David’s lips seek out Matteo’s forehead. The kisses are tiny and soft. Matteo closes his eyes, reveling in the touches. He concentrates on David: his lips, his body under him, his thumb drawing circles on Matteo’s arm.

“Morning,” David reminds, “For now, let’s just lie here. We’ve missed enough time already.”

Matteo reaches over to lace their fingers together. _Morning,_ he silently agrees.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> [my tumblr](https://tonvrogers.tumblr.com)


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